On Eduation

When I’m President, I will demand increased support for public education. By this, I mean that our children should be educated by the general public. Anybody who passes a background check can come in and teach! Can you imagine how much our kids will love that? Here is a preview of the type of individuals who we hope will volunteer to teach a class to our greatest natural resource, the children of America:

  • A seasoned gamer will teach them how to play video games more skillfully, and without getting sucked into fights with the grown-ass loser adult gamers who call them unthinkable names,
  • A chef will teach them how to make their own damn chicken fingers and french fries if that’s all they’re going to eat for the rest of their life, anyway,
  • Those millions of illegal voters will teach them how to vote. Just in time for my re-election campaign!
  • A scuba diver will teach them how to scuba dive so, one fine day, they can help build one of my Walls Across America(TM) deep into the ocean to keep those enemy submarines (which are all non-American submarines) out of our property,
  • A wild boar will teach them respect, civility, and temperance,
  • Kenneth Lay and Bernie Madoff will teach them math.

Looking forward to a more educated future!

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