On Public Transportation

When I’m President, I will put in motion measures to enhance and expand our public transportation systems. I place great value on tradition (hence my slogan, implying that America was amazing and now it isn’t) and want to go back to the ways we did things in the good old days! Therefore, all light rail and bus transit will be dismantled and replaced with ultra-fast horse-drawn carriages. I have consulted with respected scientists who indicated that by the year 2021, they will be able to create genetically-modified horses able to fly at speeds upwards of 140mph. The benefits of this system include, but are not limited to:

  1. Horse-based transportation is powered by clean energy. Rather than eating through the ozone layer and destroying our glaciers, the waste products of the horses can fertilize our crops, just like in the olden days of yore,
  2. Horse-drawn carriages will be roomy, yet limited to 1-2 passengers, thus drastically eliminating the scourge of harassment that plagues our light rail and bus systems,
  3. Horses are the most romantic and beautiful vehicles. Buses are the least romantic and beautiful vehicles. You do the math,
  4. Stagecoach jobs will roar back into existence, thus creating zillions of jobs,
  5. Flying horses.

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