On the News Media

When I’m President, I’ll seek to control the news media, but only as far as dictating what their slogans should be. I’ll only require small edits. For example, the Washington Post will be required to change their slogan to “Democracy Dies in Dorkness,” because seriously, what a bunch of dorks! Sitting around looking up facts and doing research all damn day. Don’t those nerds have anything better to do?

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