When I’m President, I will make all forms of contraception illegal due to their immorality. Except for one. One of the great minds of the 20th Century, Dr. Emmanuel Bronner, promoted the Moral ABC, meaning that he was obviously moral. His recommended method of contraception will, therefore, not be banned or prosecuted. In fact, every woman of childbearing age will be provided with unlimited free Vaseline, lemons, and the purest of castile soap in order to prevent unintended pregnancies. Exceptions eternally? Absolute none!